Many things are going on at the moment. I catch myself thinking that I want to update this blog, but then the real world weighs in and consumes my internet persona.

The world keeps turning around me, and I feel like I'm spinning in a different, somewhat diffuse, cycle.

As I lay awake right now, I can't put the way I feel into words. Or sort out my thoughts. Confusion, fear, immense happiness, longing, frustration and so on. Like a long, layered hair where the haircut doesn't flow naturally - sort of just poking out in every direction.

I carry something concrete. How I miss my beautiful friend. How I wish I could talk to her, tell her about love, the past year, a funny dream I had, work, German Vs. Japanese.

Can I tell you now - of how I wish our last talk would have been more fulfilling for you? Can I tell you how you are one of the most wonderful mysteries I have ever met?

Can I thank you?